One of the best ways to share your stories is to start a blog.

A blog is an excellent way to stay in touch with friends and family who live at a distance.

It’s also a great way to promote your small business or share your ideas with the world.

If you’ve never blogged before, or started one but let it slide, then this series of seven posts will tell you everything you need to know to get started, even if you’re a complete newbie.

If you already have a Google account and know what a RSS feed is and how to use Google Reader then congratulations! You can skip the rest of this post.

The rest of you need to read on.

Open a Google Account

The very first thing you should do before creating a blog is to open a Google account if you don’t have one already.

Click here to do this. It will only take a minute.

This will give you access to all of Google’s wonderful free programs, several of which you will use as a blogger.

This also gives you a gmail address but you don’t have to use it if you don’t want to, although I highly recommend it as an email program.

Google Reader and RSS Feeds

The first Google program you need to become familiar with is Google Reader.

As one who wants to start a blog someday, you should start reading other people’s blogs.

By far the easiest way to keep track of all the blogs you want to read is to use Google Reader.

Each blog has a RSS feed. When you subscribe to this feed, each new post will appear in your Google Reader.

Google Reader is like the inbox for all your favorite blog posts.

When you want to read your favorite blogs, you simply open your Google Reader and read through the new posts. You don’t have to manually visit each blog or keep track of bookmarks anymore.

How to Subscribe to a RSS Feed

There are two ways to subscribe to a RSS feed.

1. Click on the orange RSS feed icon on the blog. It looks something like this:

Most blogs will have RSS buttons throughout the site, often in the upper right section of the blog. Or you might see, as in the case of my own blog, a “subscribe” button with the RSS feed image on it.

When you click on it, it will open a window that will give you the option to add the blog to your Google Reader.

2. If the RSS feed button on a blog isn’t working properly, simply copy and paste the blog URL directly into the “add a subscription” field in the top left section of your Google Reader.

For example, if you were adding my blog into Google Reader this way you would copy “http://kitchentablewisdom.net” into Google Reader.

Your assignment for today is to open a Google account and get familiar with Google Reader. Subscribe to the blogs you already read (if any).

Next time I’ll talk more about how to find more blogs to subscribe to.

The more blogs you read the more you’ll learn about how blogging works and the more comfortable you will feel as a blogger. It will also make it easier for you to develop a following when it comes time to start your own blog.

If you have any questions please leave a comment and I will answer it there. Or visit the contact page at the top of my blog to send me an email.

During the past couple of years I’ve developed a habit of visiting the Taco Bell in my community once or twice month, usually with a daughter or two in tow.

I do this not because the food is extraordinary… but because one of the people who works there is.

In fact, I could say that when I visit this Taco Bell I’m not actually buying a tostada, Wild Cherry Pepsi, and two kid’s meals with crunchy tacos… I’m buying an experience.

This young man always recognizes us and smiles and makes eye contact during the transaction at the counter.

Then he usually insists on delivering our food to the table when it’s ready so that I don’t have to.

As we’re eating he checks in on us and delivers mints and wipes and offers to carry away our trays. He does the same at all the other tables. I’ve often heard the people at the other tables express awe at how remarkable this young man is.

He provides as much, if not more, service than a waiter at a restaurant even though he doesn’t earn any tips.

I’ve talked to the manager about this young man and he says that he is having a positive effect on all his co-workers as well…he has single-handedly changed the culture at his workplace.

If you think this man does his job from the heart because he has a passion for fast food, you’d be wrong. He has no intention of becoming a manager someday and wants to go to college.

Life’s too short to phone it in.

Even if you’re presently working at a job or in circumstances you don’t have a passion for, it’s still possible to work from the heart.

And when you do, people are going to want to tell uplifting stories about you too.

For another example of not phoning it in, see my Three Word Story post.

When I was a senior in high school I managed to hurt my closest friend.

Being a typical self-absorbed teen I was totally oblivious to this, of course.

So she went and had a private chat with my mother about it even though I think it was the first time they ever had an actual conversation beyond small talk.

My friend told my mom that I often went on about how excited I was to ditch our small hometown and go to the big city to college.

Apparently I made it all too clear how cool I thought this was and how special I thought I was because I was going to go to the big city soon. I was so focused on the future and the shiny things that awaited there that I forgot about the friend putting up with me day after day in the present.

After airing her grievances about me she then told my mom stories from her early childhood – stories of abuse and mistreatment.

I had never heard these stories before.

When I got home and my mom told me of this conversation, she made it clear that my self-centeredness and pride about going off to college was very disappointing.

She was clearly on my friend’s side. This hurt me at the time but now I see how wonderful it was that she could be objective and not just take my side because I was her daughter.

It was painful to hear this negative feedback and I was very embarrassed that my friend had talked to my mother about it.

Of course I wanted to say,  ”Geez, what I didn’t wasn’t that bad. Besides, I’ve spent so much time with her over the years, we’ve had great times, doesn’t that count for anything?” but I knew better than to say that out loud.  It would be like looking at a flower garden full of weeds and saying, “But last year I weeded so diligently, so why aren’t the flowers flourishing this year?!”

Then my mom told me my friend’s stories and my heart sank.

I was angry that my friend had to experience such things.

I was sad that my constant chatting about myself and my future had made her feel rejected, which must have reminded her of the rejections of her early childhood.

I was hurt that my friend didn’t feel like she could confide in me directly but in retrospect I can see why she would seek out an adult. My mother was the perfect choice. With her background in nursing and having had a difficult early childhood herself, she had the life experience necessary to show my friend true empathy.

And, in retrospect, I can see that her stories needed to be told. It was time. My selfish behavior was the trigger.

Even though I regret hurting my friend I am, at the same time, grateful that I did, so that she could experience the grace and healing that comes when you tell a  painful story to someone who shows empathy.

My friend and I never discussed the conversation she had with my mother.

Yet it worked like a karate chop in cutting through my self-centered haze. I made an effort to modify my behavior and conversation.

Also, I very carefully tucked away her stories in my memory, thankful for the deeper understanding these stories gave me of my friend.

I guess the takeaway from this is that the people you are closest too probably have stories that they haven’t told you yet.

There might even be stories you won’t hear until you hurt them. Notice I said “until” and not “if.” Ouch.  And they might end up telling the stories to someone else instead and that’s OK.

Although let’s hope it won’t be as dramatic as that. Maybe they are simply waiting until they can tell you are ready to listen.

Last summer I spent some time in Door County Wisconsin with my youngest daughters.

We spent one morning at the hotel pool and my seven-year-old daughter struggled to follow her big sister’s instructions on how to float properly.

“I can’t!” was her constant refrain that morning.

There was no reasoning with her because she was worked up with anxiety.

Later as we enjoyed hamburgers at the nearby diner I told her she should stop letting “Can’t” sneak into her mouth.

We started talking about “Can’t’ as if it was a character in her story.

This made her feel as if she actually had power over “Can’t.”

The next time she was at the pool, sure enough, “Can’t” barged in again.

But she would catch herself, smile, and put her hand over her mouth.

Adults are perhaps even more susceptible than kids to “Can’t.”

But does “Can’t’ really deserve a place in your everyday narrative?

My neighbor Tom is a stay at home dad with five children.

Somehow he manages to maintain a living room that is always tastefully decorated and free of clutter.

He changes the furniture arrangement and simple decorations in his living room often and, as a result, his living room tells a story.

Yes, decorating is a form of storytelling too.

Fortunately he now shares photos of his living room throughout the seasons on his new blog, One Room Decorating. Enjoy!

On Amazon there are 34,656 books about friendship.

Half of these books are children’s books.

Clearly friendship is perceived as a kid thing and doesn’t get the publicity that other relationships do (there are 92,769 books on Amazon about marriage).

My favorite book about friendship is George and Martha: The Complete Stories of Two Best Friends by James Marshall.

It’s a children’s book, of course, and the two characters are hippopotamuses. But I think even adults can learn a thing or two about friendship from George and Martha:

1. It’s OK to be honest. George didn’t have the courage to tell Martha he didn’t care for her split pea soup but she found out and was happy to make him something he liked instead.

2. It’s OK to be nosy but privacy is important. Martha didn’t let George peek in her diary, even when he asked politely.

3. If you’re too vain your friend has a right to call you on it. George put a silly picture on Martha’s mirror because she was too fond of looking in the mirror.

4. Friends always look on the bright side and know how to cheer you up, even if, like George, you have a broken tooth and feel ugly.

5. Friends show interest in their friend’s interests even if they have no interest themselves. George dragged himself to Martha’s dance recital and ended up enjoying it.

6. t’s hard to fool friends. When George wore different costumes Martha always recognized him.

7. Friends never say “I told you so.”  George quietly took care of sunburned Martha who had ignored his advice to put on sunblock.

8. A friend hates to see you unhappy. George bought tulips for Martha when she cried about how her garden was overrun with weeds.

9. Friends know right away when you aren’t being authentic. George told fibs about being a champion jumper and a snake charmer but Martha knew better.

10. Friends nudge you outside your comfort zone sometimes. George wouldn’t get out of bed to go on a picnic with her so she pushed him in the bed all the way to the park. He ended up enjoying the picnic.

11. There’s no reason to be jealous of your friend. George wouldn’t let Martha see the secret clubhouse he was building and she was beside herself with jealousy, only to find out later that it was a fan club for her.

12. Friends help you regain your confidence. Martha started wobbling on the tight rope so George did some fast talking to restore her confidence.

13. Don’t scare your friends because they might scare you back.

14. Sometimes friends need time alone. Martha was angry when George wouldn’t spend an afternoon with her but she ended up having lots of fun by herself playing her saxophone.

15. Sometimes a friend has to be dramatic to make a point. George wouldn’t listen to Martha when she told him to stop eating so many sweets. So, to George’s horror, she started smoking a cigar. He stopped eating sweets.

16. Laughter is the best gift you can give your friend.

17. Good friends can’t stay cross for long.

Yesterday I sat in a friend’s living room and, for a short time, the conversation focused on a painful experience in my life, one I’m not in the habit of talking about very often or in any kind of detail.

After listening to this story my friend said very sincerely, “I want you to know how sorry I am that you had those experiences.”

A few weeks previous, when I had touched on this same story very briefly, she said something like, “You’re my friend and I know you deserve better than what happened so, dang it, I’m angry on your behalf!”

These statements of empathy were moments and grace and healing for me.

You see, it’s not enough to be good at storytelling and expressing yourself.

It’s just as important, if not more so, to show empathy when others tell stories, particularly stories that are painful.

In his book The Instinct to Heal, David Servan-Schreiber, M.D., Ph.D., describes the BATHE technique of listening.

This technique was developed by two doctors as a way to quickly get to the heart of a patient’s story in a busy doctor’s office and also show empathy at the same time.

They have found that the BATHE technique works well outside the doctor’s office in regular conversation too.

Here are the steps:

B = Background. Ask the question, “What happened to you?” Listen with little interruption but don’t let the person run on too long and get lost in the details.

A = Affect. Ask the question, “And how does that make you feel?” This might be embarrassingly obvious but you’ll be amazed at what you learn.

T = Trouble. Ask the question, “And what troubles you the most now?” This is the most effective of the questions because it helps focus the mind of the person in pain.

H = Handling. Ask the question, “And what helps you the most to handle this?” That question focuses the attention on the resources around them that can help them to cope and take action.

E = Empathy. Sincerely express the feelings you experienced as you listened to the other person. This lets the person know that you have shared their burden for a few minutes. They will feel a little less lonely and a little less daunted. Usually a few simple words are enough, like those my friend shared with me.

And you know what? When you start listening to people in this way, you also care for yourself in the process.

You’ll experience healing as a listener because you’ll gain confidence in your ability to relate to others. According to Dr. Servan-Schreiber, this confidence protects you from anxiety and depression.

In other words, listening is like a form of Prozac. Pretty cool, huh?

Oh how I love a good metaphor.

You already know how important stories are.

Metaphors are like mini stories.

I would argue that the right metaphor is even more powerful than a story.

A metaphor is a comparison between two or more unrelated objects.

A friend of mine regularly uses metaphors in her emails to me and they are brilliant.

They are so good I copy and paste them into a document filled just with her metaphors.

Here are a few examples:

“Her blood pressure was lower than the Mississippi Valley.”

“There are more wires involved in that desktop than there are pit vipers in India.”

“He ate like a human forklift at a three county landfill.”

“He started snoring like Gunga Din’s chainsaw.”

“…eating like Kirstie Alley in a Fettucini Alfredo factory.”

“I feel like I’m trying to teach Aristotelian logic to Mike Tyson.”

I’ve asked her how she thinks up these metaphors and she just says that they pop into her head spontaneously as she’s writing.

Here are some other metaphors I’ve found from various places:

“”The sun was behind the wood, very red, looking over the paling of trees like a farmer inspecting his own hogs.” (Flannery O’Connor)

“Burst of energy just hit me like a train carrying 10 tons of espresso.” (Dooce.com)

“The landing at JFK was like being on the back of a motorcycle when it crashes through a brick wall.” (Dooce.com)

“All over me like melted cheese on a radiator.” (Elizabeth George)

“As loose as the rivets on a Southwest Airlines 737.” (source unknown)

I’m no expert on how to write metaphors but I do know that the more specific they are, the better.

For example, saying “You look like a madman” just wouldn’t have the same chops as “You look like you might have swallowed a mad dog.” (Flannery O’Connor).

The other day I was reading in a book where a man described the aftermath of divorce as like getting in a major car accident every day for two years.

When you can use metaphors like that when communicating it can be a great way of expressing your feelings in a way that people will take notice.

As Aristotle said, “The greatest thing by far is to be a master of metaphor.”

“Programs don’t make great presidents,” said political scientist Jim Morone after President Obama’s 2010 State of the Union speech. “Stories make great presidents.”

He went on to say that the president failed to persuade the American people as a result of not having stories.

Stories make for a great presidency…  A more profitable business…. A more fulfilling life.

So what are YOUR stories? Don’t be shy. Tell your stories to those around you.

In her book Kitchen Table Wisdom, Rachel Naomi Remen talks about bullfighting, of all things.

You see, there is a place in the bullring where every bull feels safe. If the bull reaches this spot, he stops running and rests.

It might seem like the bull has given up or injured himself when he enters this place, but this is not the case at all.

Rather, this break from the action enables him to gather up his full strength again so he can continue fighting.

This safe place is called the “querencia.”

This spot is different for every bull. It is the job of the matador to figure out the location of the querenciais for the bull and then prevent the bull from entering this sanctuary.

This morning my 7 year old daughter reminded me how stories can be a “querencia.”

She said she was afraid last night and couldn’t fall asleep. So her 14 year old sister, who shares a room with her, told her stories about when she was little.

The 7 year old was so thrilled to hear stories about her big sister. Even more enthralling than if she had merely read a book to her, I’m sure.

What is your querencia?

What/who are your matadors?

As Dr. Remen says, the purpose of discovering and regularly entering your “querencia” isn’t to hide from the world, but to emerge again with strength and energy to achieve all your goals and set new ones and find the right opportunities to say yes to.