Most every married person has probably said to themselves at one point, “Why does communication have to be so difficult?”

As someone who has been married almost 22 years, I came to the conclusion many years ago that communication is overrated.

A psychologist recently told me that when married people come to him and say, “We need to learn to communicate better!” he tells them that what they are really looking for is better debate skills, so they can get their way more often.

I was pleased to come across this passage in Richard Russo’s novel Straight Man, as it supports my communication is overrated theory:

One of the nice things about our marriage, at least to my way of thinking, is that my wife and I no longer have to argue everything through. We each know what the other will say, and so the saying becomes an unnecessary formality. No doubt some marriage counselor would explain to us that our problem is a failure to communicate, but to my way of thinking we’ve worked so long and hard to achieve this silence, Lily’s and mine, so fraught with mutual understanding.


Filed under: Conversation/CommunicationMarriage


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