I couldn’t help but appreciate this comment on a Facebook fan page (she’s a minister but it has broader applicability):
I learned long ago that “nice” in the ministerial context means “please be the willing repository of our projections and abuse; that’s part of your calling.”

In the lay context it means much the same thing, or roughly equivalent to “please be a well-behaved girl and keep your mouth shut.”

Neither one appeals to me, and I do not place “nice” on the top of my list of Qualities to Aspire To. “Nice” has not a bloody thing to do with love. It has to do with conformity.

Which reminds me of what author and psychologist James Hollis says about being nice:

Being nice has ceased being nice.

When ‘sweet,’ ‘nice,’ ‘amiable,’ easygoing,’ repeatedly apply to someone’s life, the consequences to a person’s inner life might in fact be ugly.


If I am repeatedly nice and compliant, rather than authentic, then I have ceased to be a person of values.

Exactly what the Vicki the Biker in me needed to hear.  I guess I should let her out more often. ;)


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